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In this episode, I have a conversation with Jane McCann, the middle aged goddess, and we talk about ways to manage stress, relationships, and boundaries and what she wishes her younger self name.

Welcome to the Imperfect Thriving podcast, for all of us women in midlife, to discover your self-limiting beliefs, determine exactly what you want your life to look like and the imperfect actions to get you there.

The mental torture I put myself through in my 20s about my body shape. And I think most women do that. I look back at photos and I was beautiful, but inside my head I was, no, your boobs are too big, your hips are too big.

Your Blueprint to Thrive is a free email course that I designed to help you go from just living or getting by, to absolutely thriving.

And you can get this for free at imperfectthriving. One way to have a better understanding is to approach each other with respectful curiosity.

Today, we have Jane McCann, who comes all the way from Australia, so she certainly has a different perspective on life. And we share a conversation not only for women in midlife, but for women who are much younger.

And we talk about self-care, techniques to manage stress, relationships, boundaries, dating, and what Jane wishes her younger self knew.

So, give it a listen. I hope you enjoy. Today on the show, we have Jane McCann. So, without any further ado, welcome to the show, Jane.

I love the way we all find each other on Instagram. My favorite thing about podcasting is to be able to talk to people like you in different parts of the world.

And, you know, people go on about the algorithm and everything, but thank God, really, because somehow we managed to find each other.

I live in Melbourne, Victoria. So, he lives with me as well. So yeah, navigating all of that in my 50s. I talk on the phone to a lot of people about what sort of medical equipment they need, and I organize to get it to them.

Even when I was making coffee. I mean, we came into Corona off the back end of the bush fires, which were intense here. They started in November.

So yeah, we were still all reeling from that. And then Corona happened, and I think, for myself, before we went into lockdown, I was feeling anxious.

And that was a surprise, having to deal with that. Just that unknowing: was I going to lose my job? What about my kids, our health and safety? It was quite full-on.

But that was a surprise, how intense I found it. So, it was like, are we gonna be able to see each other at all? Yeah, and then homeschooling my younger son, too.

He was great, but that was tricky, having him home all the time, all of a sudden. And other people are still being very cautious. People going out and celebrating Memorial Day, which is a big beginning of the summer holiday here.

And then others saying, oh, you know, why are you doing that? But certainly, no loss. So, I can only imagine what it must be like, for those people that have lost their homes or their businesses and then had to deal with Corona, because all of a sudden, the attention was not on them.

And yeah, it must be really, really hard. So, we all just have to… I think we all have to raise our voices and be out there and not be too terrified of what can come back at you.

And we just all need to try and be decent humans. We all have biases. Yeah, absolutely. I think I posted about it on Insta. Or am I being racist? I did an exercise when I went back to school called unpacking your invisible knapsack.

And it was an incredible sort of exercise for me because it broadened my definition of what racism is. And so, yeah, just a little bit different.

So, to get into a little bit of a lighter topic, I want to know a little bit about how you, yourself have been coping and taking care of yourself — it is a little bit lighter subject but not a lot — because as women, I think oftentimes as we take care of everyone else and put everyone else first, we find it difficult to get to ourselves and to value ourselves enough for the self-care that we need to fill us back up.

What have you been doing for yourself throughout all of these difficult times to take care of yourself?

And I was doing Zoom yoga, and Zoom boxing, and this and that. But look, I do all the boring stuff that no one really wants to do.

I meditate twice a day for 20 minutes, practice Vedic Meditation. It seriously is, and you know, 20 minutes twice a day out of my day, I can do that.

For me also, being outside is really the most healing thing I can do. You could go walk your dog. So yeah, I live right near the water, so I was running down to the beach, jumping in, and then coming home.

I also do Wim Hof breathing, so I do a breathing technique every morning. I do cold showers. You just do it every day.

Like, what does that do for you? That sounds just awful. So, you might have a hot shower and then at the end, turn the cold on and stand under the cold for a few minutes.

I often go and get in the bay. The idea is to not get cold, so the breathing helps with that. I just get in the water now. And just with my mental clarity as well.

If you can have a baby, you can get in the cold water. I want to hear more about… will you pronounce the type of breathing again?

I also did a course — a friend of mine is an instructor in it — so I also did a course which is really great. So, what would you say the biggest benefits are of that type of breathing?

So, I do the breathing and then I go straight into meditation. It makes you feel very calm. So, I used to hold my breath as well.

I was like, right, I can do 30 days. And, where are we? Takes 10 minutes. So, I get up, brush my teeth, have a drink of water, and then breathe.

So, how long would you think it took you before you felt like you were actually receiving the benefits from it? How long did you have to practice?

I meditate twice a day. But the breathing I noticed in two weeks. And then the first time I got in the bay when it was cold, I was like, oh, this is fine.

This is fine. But yeah, the thing is to not let your ego get in the way and stay in too long. Get out before you get cold. Can you tell us a little bit — as much or as little as you want to — about how that has been for you?

And probably the last five years of our relationship were extremely stressful. His mother died suddenly, my sister died from breast cancer, our dog died, his dad died, he lost his job… we just rolled from one disaster to another.

And I think during that time, there was so much stress we just rolled away from each other, really. And we still really liked each other.

I really like him. And you know, he and I had a fairly amicable split, and I just had no idea. It was liberating and heartbreaking, you know, all at once.

There were… there still is things that I miss about him, and love about him, but then also having my own space and being able to make my own decisions and my own choices after so long was just amazing.

But yeah, look, it was challenging; it was hard for my children, it was hard for everyone because no one expected it, because we got on so well.

We were together for a long time. And we had some amazing times and I think it was pretty successful, really.

So yes, I had a year on my own. It was interesting… Pretty much the first thing anyone says to you when you leave a marriage is, so, are you going to go on Tinder?

So many people asked me that. And look, I did get on there and have a look out of curiosity, a few months later. And I swiped so many times, no, no, no, no, no, that I actually ran out of men.

So, I was like, okay. Good question. Although, you know what, I know a lot of people who have met their current partners on there.

But for us, it still seems a bit like a dating service. And I was very happy on my own. And then I met Brett, and that was through a friend.

It was quite a bizarre way that we met. And the boy that was filling in for him, his mom and I just started talking one afternoon and after 10 minutes, she said, are you single?

And I went, yeah. And I went, no. And then I went, who is he? And she said, he was married to my sister. And I was like, oh God. Anyway, a few weeks went past, and she gave him my number and he rang me, and we had quite a few conversations on the phone before we met.

Then we met, we had some walks on the beach with our dogs. We did that for, you know, six weeks or so. I need to start going to bars and… I never had that urge at all.

I guess I was just very happy doing my own thing. I did get lonely. Weekends were hard. But no, I was perfectly happy by myself. Like, who says that we have to just do what everyone else is doing.

I love him. We love each other dearly. I suspect I will read again and again. The book, by Jane Meredith, teaches how to invite the Goddess into our lives in her many different aspects and in a variety of ways.

Its subtitle is Drawing Down the Divine Feminine. Many witches and pagans talk about "drawing down the Goddess" - sometimes referred to as "drawing down the moon".

The term usually refers to a rite of invocation in which we invite a specific deity to join us in mind and body, so that we merge for a brief moment.

This enables us to speak the wisdom of that deity, but also allows us to experience their essence at least in some small way.

It is an advanced skill and not usually recommended without considerable training. Aspecting the Goddess effectively breaks that training down into six stages: walking with the Goddess, researching her, dedicating to the Goddess, presencing her, enacting myth and finally aspecting the Goddess.

Aspecting is essentially the same as invocation. This allows us to work with various goddesses - or gods - in a way that feels appropriate for us at that time.

The book is beautifully written. Jane offers her personal experiences of how these goddesses have influenced her life and how she has worked with them using the techniques she describes.

I said I had read this book twice.

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